A few days ago, I hope you got a laugh – at my expense – reading about the embarrassingly inappropriate comments people have made to me during my pregnancy.  Just to clarify, I’m not actually offended by any of these because that would mean I’m totally humorless.  And in reality, I have gained in the lower range of what healthy – around 25 pounds –  and I think I’ve held up pretty well for (now) 39 + weeks pregnant.  Yup 39 and 3 days – There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Mainly I am amused at the willingness of people to be so frank to women in such delicate emotional states.  But in my case, I wasn’t just subjected to puffy preggo lady comments.  Oh no, I also got interrogated for being what some considered too small.

As I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t show until fairly late in my pregnancy, and even when I was “showing”, I didn’t really “pop” till even later.  When people would inquire as to how far along I was, after telling them, they would routinely respond, in a high, squeaky pitch, with, “What!? You’re how far along? Where’s the baby!?”  OK, so points to you for not pointing out my bubble butt, but this is really not much better.  Instead of sending me to the nearest pint of ice cream (because if I already have thunder thighs, what’s another pint?), this sends me into a spiral of shame and self-doubt:

Ohmygosh where is my baby?  Is she okay?  Why hasn’t my belly popped?  What if she’s not getting enough nutrients!  What if she’s not growing!  What if she’s all smooshed in my stomach!  She can’t be comfortable if she’s all smooshed!

See – that kind of thinking is just not productive.

Then there are the people who straight-up don’t believe me.  Please see below.  I would like to point out that this encounter was with a man, in case you couldn’t tell just by reading it.

Nurse/Doctor/Whomever it was that administered my flu shot (Man)

Man, prepping the flu shot: So how far along are you?

Me: 35 weeks (as I was at the time).

Man, incredulously: Really?

No, I’m lying to you.

Me, chipper: Yup!

Man, eyebrows raised: Well, I dunno.  My wife is 38 weeks pregnant and she… well… she looks like she swallowed a watermelon.

Don’t worry about me, I’m gaining all my weight in my face and legs. 

From this I learned that unless you look like you swallowed a large fruit, strangers might be inclined to disbelieve you, while simultaneously insulting their wives.  How should a pregnant lady respond to the observation that they do not look as large as one thinks they should?  In the need to justify myself, I was tempted to say, “I have really strong core muscles, and women with strong cores tend to show less.”  That sounds plausible, right?  Even it it’s not true.  But A) Besides sounding plausible, it also sounds cocky and B) I didn’t want to risk saying something not true to a medical professional that he could easily refute.  Then I’d be a liar and an idiot.  So instead I just made awkward small talk and suffered under his judgmental stare.

Thankfully, I only have a few more days left of this (hopefully).  And being that I have turned into somewhat of a recluse in these last few days, I don’t have to worry about running into many people who might word-vomit all over me.   Of course there are the still the girls I coach for Girls on the Run , one of whom did not know I was pregnant.  (Sweet girl, but completely clueless).  “You’re having a baby?” she exclaimed in complete disbelief.  To which her fellow teammate responded, “Of course she’s having a baby!  Nobody’s that fat!”

So there you have it.  Can’t win either way.   Now I can look forward to the post-pregnancy remarks from people who don’t know I’ve already had the baby.  Joy!

I’ve gotten some funny stories from women in response to Part I, and would love to hear yours as well, if you care to share 🙂