Folks, I need your help. This is serious. I am now 31 weeks along – for the math-challenged, that means I have a short nine weeks before Baby makes her appearance in this world – and my husband and I are completely unable to agree upon her name. Why not? The below conversation represents a typical exchange on the topic of names:
I throw out a cute, slightly sassy, but not over-the-top ridiculous name.
Damon: No.
Me: Why not?
Damon: Veto.
Me: “Veto” does not answer my question.
Damon: I do not recognize that as a name.
Me: You do not recognize it as a name? What does that even mean?
Damon: I’ve never heard of it.
Me, scornfully: Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate name!
Damon: Oh yes it does.
Me: Oh No it does not. Why should our child be punished with a boring name because you lack any sense of sophistication or creativity?
Damon, skeptically: Really, Diana?
I stare at my stubborn husband, boiling with rage.
Damon: No. It’s a professional athlete’s nickname. We’re having a girl.
Me: AHA! You have heard of it!
Damon: But it’s a dude’s name!
Me: I beg to differ. I know of at least three actresses with that name. All. Women. I’ve never heard of this so-called athlete.
Damon: Veto.
Me, voice an unusually high pitch: You are so close-minded! Ican’teventalktoyouanymore!
Why is this so difficult?
Meanwhile Damon’s name choices seem to have been inspired solely by 90s sitcoms. Until he suggests something, like, say, Esmeralda.*
Me: You’re joking, right?
Damon: What?
Me: Please tell me you are kidding.
Damon: What!? I like the name.
Me: Oh my gosh no you don’t.
Damon, exasperated: What!? I like it. I do.
Me: I don’t believe you. There is no way.
Damon remains silent, unable to comprehend his uncomprehending wife.
Me: OMG. We are not having this conversation. I did not marry a man who would seriously suggest Esmeralda* as a name worthy of our daughter.
Damon: You are so close-minded! I can’t talk to you anymore.
See friends, we are stuck in a very, very bad place. If you don’t help us, we will never escape this name Purgatory and our daughter will wander through life anonymous, suffering an everlasting identity crisis.
My baby name book is completely useless; it lost all legitimacy when it listed “Diana” as a form of “Diane”, the goddess of the moon and the hunt. (Yes, I looked up my own name. As if you wouldn’t do the same thing!) Excuse me, but since when is “Diane” the goddess? It’s Diana! Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of classical mythology should recognize that. A book claiming to be the “complete book of baby names” and dedicated to “richer definitions” most certainly should. After discovering this inexcusable inaccuracy, I could no longer trust The Book. So I am turning to you instead.
Worthless
Of course I am not going to solely entrust my daughter’s name-fate to the blogosphere – that would just be insane. But I welcome your inspired suggestions. Feel free to post your favorite names in the comment section, and perhaps you will stoke the creative fires Damon and I need to make this all-important decision. Should you provide the name we choose, you will win… my undying gratitude. And the satisfaction of knowing you quite possibly saved my marriage.
I do have some parameters:
(1) No inanimate objects.
(2) No names beginning with “D”. I just can’t be part of an all-alliterative family. Damon & Diana is bad enough.
(3) In case there are any crazies out there reading this, I’m not going to reveal my last name. However, I will say that it is… unique. The wrong name could destine my daughter to a lifetime of exotic dancing. And we don’t want that now, do we?
This is an example of an unacceptable name. Sorry, Gwyneth.
Now go forth and name.
*Esmeralda was not an actual name used in any conversations regarding our daughter.
Amelia, Sophie, and Molly are my suggestions!
Sounds like you need something simple for Damon but I feel like you need something kind of sassy, girly and pretty. What about something like Chloe, Charlotte(of sex and the city fame), Sophia, Tyler, Grace(call her Gracie), Mia, Olivia, Bree…….just a few thoughts! Let me know if you like any, I also have a list of middle names I like :). Maggie
Shelby…one of my favorites from Steel Magnolias. So much strength!
I think Esmeralda is nice.
Here you go: Anna, Katherine, Molly, Mary, Abigail, Elizabeth- all old-fashioned, classic names. I hate trendy or made-up names. Also Cordelia. 🙂
A name is really important. I know, as I faced 31 years of “Josephine” on all official documents and bore the embarrassment of hearing it the first day of school every year and then every quarter in college. Yes, I officially changed my legal first name when I married, and found out that it’s a whole lot harder to change one’s first name than last name. No need to name her after ME!
Anyway, someone once told me that they imagined their babies’ names on nameplates at their desks 30 years in the future–definitely didn’t want anything too cutesy or trendy. I definitely have my own opinions about names (not fond of masculine or decidedly feminine froo-froo names for girls). I think my mother was right in going with the classics. There have been some lovely ones mentioned. I think Mom was also correct in that one-syllable or three-syllable first names are better with 2-syllable last names; Diana is rhythmically prettier than Diane with your last name, yes? I’ll put in votes for Grace or Katherine.
So glad you’re avoiding the “D” names; I think you need to stay away from “L” names, too!
Thanks for all the suggestions everyone! Great stuff.
Diane is simply the French form of Latin Diana. Thus Diane is a form of Diana not the other way around. Originally Diana has nothing to do with Artemis’ functions of hunting and wild animal protectress but had a particular connection with the non-Roman Latin peoples at her sanctuary at Lake Nemi. I would name your daughter Anaïs or Cleopatra or Pandora. If you named her Cynthia (=woman from Mt Cynthus on the island of Delos, birthplace of Artemis and Apollo) you would be naming her after yourself. Besides, Cindy makes a nice cheerleader’s name.
Exactly. Diane is a form of Diana – thus Diana should be in the book. After all, I didn’t buy a French baby name book. I’ll put Cindy on the short list.